Building independence: how to empower teens on their journey to adulthood
As teens grow and mature, they seek more independence and start exploring their identities. Parents and caretakers are responsible for keeping them healthy and safe during this process. How can you help your child become independent and better prepared for adulthood?
Teenage rebellion
Is a rebellious streak a natural part of being a teenager? Yes and no. It’s the time when we try to grow our independence and become a person separate from our caretakers. Usually, there will be some tension as the process is difficult for all involved.
However, when teens feel they’re denied agency or being micromanaged, they can rebel as they try to take back control. And while parents often feel like they have to tighten the reins as their children grow older to ensure they stay safe and healthy, that’s often counterproductive.
Your teen rebelling can also be a cry for help. Anger often hides deeper issues. If you suspect your child may be suffering, read our guide on managing teenage anger.
Why should you encourage your teen to explore independence?
It may be scary to loosen control or see your child become distant when you were so close not long ago. You may feel insecure or experience other difficult emotions, but remember that it’s a natural part of their development. Moreover, providing them with a safe environment to explore their independence makes them more resilient and better prepared for adulthood.
Your child will need more and more agency as they grow. One of the essential human needs is being able to control our lives and decide for ourselves. We need self-determination to be happy and healthy.
Research shows that giving your teen more power over their life can also result in lower stress, higher motivation and self-discipline, improved academic performance, and a lower urge to rebel, for example, by trying alcohol or drugs.
How to teach your teen independence?
Be open and supportive
Give your child space, but also make sure they know you’re here for them, ready to listen or help.
Offer to teach them skills essential in adulthood, like cooking, shopping, or making an appointment. Encourage them to ask questions and be patient.
Shower them with love and acceptance, and praise them for their efforts - they’ll feel more confident and safer knowing they’re loved and protected no matter what.
Discuss boundaries
It’s one of the most important ways to ensure your teen’s safety. Clear boundaries and transparency can help your teen be more confident in exploring their independence - they know where the limits are.
Don’t enforce your rules but discuss the boundaries together. Make sure your child knows the consequences of breaking the rules you’ve all decided upon.
Let them make decisions
The ability to make your own decisions is one of the most crucial life skills. It teaches your teen to be responsible for their actions and more confident in their choices. Making decisions also means becoming more self-aware - your teen learns to understand their needs, wants, and limits.
When they must make a decision, offer advice and support when needed, but let them have the final say. They will make mistakes and bad choices, but that’s a natural part of the process. Again, offer support as they deal with consequences, but let them do it on their own.
Let them fail
Another part of helping your child become independent and responsible is allowing them to fail and make mistakes. As we’ve mentioned, they need to make bad calls and deal with the fallout. Not only do they learn accountability, but also that errors are natural and help us grow and improve.
Don’t judge their actions but try to discuss together what has happened and what they could do differently next time.
Connect them with a mentor
As your teen explores their independence, their need for privacy may increase, and there might be things they don’t want or aren’t ready to share with you. Ask them about professional support, such as therapy or mentoring, where they can talk about anything in a safe and private space.
