How to help your teen deal with college application anxiety

College applications are one of the most stressful things in a high schooler’s life. College is less affordable, competition feels fiercer than ever, and the transition is a huge step towards independence. Add on paperwork, essays, SATs, and collecting letters of recommendation, and teens can quickly feel overwhelmed. 

Thankfully, your teen doesn’t have to do it alone. Parental support is crucial - with it, even the most terrible experiences are easier to get through.

Warning signs of college application anxiety

It’s natural to feel some stress during important events and big decisions. Yet, it can sometimes become overwhelming. Here are some warning signs that your child may need your help managing their anxiety.

Talk to your teen if they:

• Procrastinate often

• Shut down or are apathetic

• Are impatient and/or quick to anger, display aggressive behavior

• Complain of frequent health problems, such as colds, digestive issues, headaches, fatigue

• Have sleeping problems

• Have changes in appetite

• Experience panic attacks

• Have difficulties with concentration and focus (you might notice a drop in grades)

• Skip school, even to the point of chronic school avoidance

• Take on too much responsibility (e.g. extracurricular activities, volunteering, too many electives)

If your teen has mental, behavioral or physical issues - their symptoms might also noticeably worsen.

How to help your teen deal with college application stress?

Be there for them

As you probably know, the college application process begins early. Some experts even say that students should start preparing when still in their junior year.

What’s important is to carefully plan your teen’s time and do as much as possible in advance. They will stress less when they won’t need to scramble at the last minute to meet the application deadlines.

When overwhelmed and stressed, it’s easy to forget they’re not alone. Keep reminding your teen that you’re here to support them, listen to their worries, and, if asked, offer advice.

Help them set realistic expectations

Prepare your teen for every scenario - including getting a rejection letter. Explain that it doesn’t make them worse than those who got in. Comparing themselves to others can worsen anxiety and self-esteem issues or trigger a depressive episode.

Help them understand that the so-called best and most prestigious colleges don’t have to be the best choice for them. Sure, Harvard or Stanford usually place high in rankings, but that doesn’t mean they fit your teen’s needs - and that is the most important.

You can create several plans to cover all your bases. Having a clear plan of action for different scenarios can significantly lessen college application anxiety.

Offer practical help

The whole process of a college application can be pretty overwhelming to anyone. You can also support your teen by tackling the practical side of it, such as research, completing paperwork, and helping with decision-making. If you went to college, perhaps you can share valuable tips for making the process easier.

Create a schedule

It takes effort but can save a lot of stress, time and work further down the road. Make a schedule with your teen that sets clear milestones and deadlines.

You can use a whiteboard or print the schedule and keep it in a visible place. It’s also a good idea to make a shared calendar you can access anytime on your phone.

Encourage them to take breaks

Time to rest and do things we enjoy is as essential as studying and working hard. It’s an integral part of our well-being. Your teen can get too absorbed in studying or feel like they don’t deserve to take a break. Remind them that rest is a basic human need, not a reward.

Inspire them to continue pursuing their hobbies and meet with their friends. It’s good to schedule some family time to unwind as well. Try cooking together, organizing game nights or going on a hiking trip, which has the added benefit of spending time in nature.

Motivate them to talk about their feelings

Putting feelings and worries into words can truly help with college application anxiety and improve our overall mental health. Let your teen know they can come to you if they want to talk. They can also share their fears with a trusted friend, school counselor or a mentor.

If they prefer to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, they should try writing them down.