How to help your teen with school avoidance

It’s not unusual for a teen to dread going back to school after the holidays or before an important exam. Some teenagers, however, refuse to go regularly. What causes school avoidance, and what are some ways to help your child get the education they need?

What is school avoidance?

On the surface, it’s precisely that: your child avoids going to school. However, it’s not as simple as playing hooky. It’s more about anxiety and fear, sometimes even pain, so strong that your teen will try to spend as little time there as possible.

It’s also known as:

• school refusal

• emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA)

• school phobia

• anxiety-related school absence. 

It doesn’t have to mean that your child outright refuses to go to school for days and weeks. It can also entail:

• simulating sickness or getting genuinely sick due to stress

• being late all the time

• finding reasons to leave early

• skipping classes that your teen finds stressful or is failing

Warning signs of school avoidance

While refusing to attend school is an unmistakable signal that something is wrong, there are subtler signs your teenager is anxious and troubled long before they start avoiding it.

Talk to your teen if you notice any of these behaviors:

• Complaining about frequent stomach troubles, headaches, getting sick

• Sleep issues, frequent fatigue

• Changes in appetite and eating habits

• Not talking about their day, avoiding the topic of school

• Distancing themselves from family and friends or the opposite: looking for reassurance, texting or calling you often

• Distractibility, trouble with concentration

• Irritability, lashing out, mood swings

Causes of school refusal

There is no one reason your teen refuses to go to school. Some of the causes of school avoidance are:

• Bullying

• Being rejected by other kids

• Learning difficulties, e.g. struggling with a specific subject or even failing a class

• Mental and behavioral problems

• Physical issues - your teen’s health can make attending school difficult.

• Coming back to school after a long absence (like sick leave)

The cause may also hide at home. Your teen can react to your tension and stress or a painful event, like a death in the family. Only your child can tell you the reason behind their behavior. Listen to them without judging.

What to do when your teen refuses to go to school?

Talk to your teen to understand what’s happening

First of all, reach out to your teen. Encourage them to talk about their problems. Don’t push but explain you want to understand what’s going on and how you can help them. This is crucial, as the next steps depend on the source of your teen’s school avoidance. Failing a class will need a different solution than bullying or mental health issues.

Establish a support network for your teen

Hopefully, your child has good friends who will gladly help them. Of course, they always have you.

However, it’s vital to grow their support network to include school personnel as well. Talk to your teen about people they can reach out to at school, such as the counselor and nurse or one of their teachers.

Check if your teen qualifies for the Individualized Education Plan

Mental health issues or learning disabilities can be a cause of school avoidance. If your child has a disability, check if they’re eligible for IEP (Individualized Education Plan). Remember that according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and Section 504, the school district must provide your child with a free education suitable to their needs. The law is on your side.

Help your teen transition back to school

If your child has been absent from school for some time, they can be apprehensive about going back - and the longer the absence, the harder it can be. Whether the cause was an illness or school refusal, it’s essential to help your teen with a smooth transition back to their old routine. Ensure they have all the support they need - you, their friends, and school staff. Help them stay on top of the schoolwork and in touch with their teachers and classmates during their absence. 

Consider school change if your teen is bullied

If your child is bullied, school is not only stressful but becomes a real danger to their mental and physical safety.

One of the solutions to bullying is changing schools, though that is a difficult and complex decision. We advise you to discuss the options with your child and involve them in decision-making.

Consider mentoring or therapy

If your teen is willing, you can add a mentor or therapist to their support network. It’s an excellent idea if they don’t feel comfortable with their school counselor but still need a professional to help with their problems.