An expert’s guide: managing teenage anger
Anger is not a “bad” emotion. It’s an important signal that your teenager may be struggling. Why is your child always angry, and what are some red flags that the rage hides serious problems? How can you support your teenager and get them the right help?
Why your teen might be angry
Your teen’s hormones fluctuate, and their brain is still developing. Their impulse control and emotional regulation aren’t fully developed. Your child may act impulsively and openly express their anger.
They may also be under a lot of stress - American teenagers are more stressed than ever. The pandemic is a major factor here; according to the CDC, 37% of teens reported poor mental health and 44% feel “persistently feeling sad and hopeless.”
4 signs your teen needs additional support
Your teen’s anger can mean that they are suffering and need additional support. It’s often terrifying and difficult to admit that the situation is getting out of control. Acknowledging that you need additional support to ensure your child’s well-being doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means you’re human and need a hand.
What are signs that you should seek help as quickly as possible?
Physical aggression: slamming doors and throwing things; hitting you or others
Verbal aggression: insults, cursing, sarcasm, intentionally using hurtful words to embarrass or inflict emotional pain
Substance abuse
Self-harm: cutting but also excessive skin picking, using rubber bands to hit the skin, intentionally hitting or burning themselves
How to help your teen manage their anger
Teach them that being angry is okay
Teach your teen that anger is a valid and natural emotion, not a “negative” or “bad” one. Ensure them of your love and support. Their anger may be a sign of mental health struggles, despair, or serious problems at school.
Try gently asking them about it, framing the question as your observation rather than a fact. However, don’t push if they’re reluctant to talk. Signal that you’re here for them and ready to listen.
Establish boundaries
Giving your teen a framework of clear rules and expectations can help them better regulate their emotions. Discuss the boundaries when they’re calm and explain the reason they exist - to keep them safe and healthy. You can read more about setting boundaries with your teen here.
Don’t yell back
When angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, your teen can yell hurtful words, such as:
”I hate you”
“You’re the worst parent ever”
“I wish you were dead”
The urge to yell back can be overwhelming, but try to remember: it’s not about you but rather, their inner turmoil and discomfort. Don’t say something hurtful back. Try to stay calm and use open, non-threatening body language. Give your child (and yourself) space to cool down. Only then try to talk about what happened.
Check out the Non-Violent Communication (NVC) framework for better communication and conflict resolution skills.
Encourage them to keep a healthy lifestyle
When rested and healthy, your teen will feel more centered and resilient. Even when they aren’t ready to share their problems, you can still make sure they get enough physical activity and sleep, eat good food, and maintain relationships. All these elements are essential to good physical and mental health.
Help them find hobbies and coping skills
Show your teen how to better regulate their emotions by using coping skills, such as breathing techniques or healthy self-regulatory behaviors.
Encourage your child to find hobbies and pursue new interests, such as:
Dance
Music
Writing
Art
Yoga
Martial arts
Hobbies can have a highly positive effect on mental health and can become a healthy and safe outlet for their emotions.
If you have more questions about how to help your teen manage anger or behavioral issues, feel free to reach out to our team of experts at info@appahealth.com.
