An expert’s guide: How to help a teenager with anxiety

According to the National Institutes of Health, nearly 32% of teens have experienced an anxiety disorder. Whether it be perfectionism around academics, insecurities around social life, or just a general sense of worry, many teens could use some extra support.

What can we do as parents to help our teens who are having difficulty with anxiety?

Start by validating your teen’s feelings

Validation is the acknowledgement of another person’s thoughts and feelings. As parents, sometimes we want to take our child’s pain away by offering solutions to their problems or asking them to calm down. However, when your teen vents their worries or frustrations, they may not be looking for advice. Rather, they may just be looking to feel heard and connected. 

• Instead of: 

  • “It’s going to be OK”

  • “It’s not that bad”

• Try:

  • “That sounds like a really rough day”

  • “That would really upset me too”

Focus on your teen’s strengths and ability to grow

By validating your teen’s feelings, you let them know that they are not alone. However, it’s also important for your teen to know that they can change, grow, and overcome difficult situations. Their anxiety does not define who they are. 

After validating your teen’s feelings, let them know that you are confident they can overcome the situation they are facing. You can try saying:

• “I know this is very hard, but I know you can handle it.”

• “You are so brave.”

Help your teen embrace uncertainty

As teens begin to face the world on their own, they begin to face situations where their paths may be uncertain. At the same time, they face conflicting pressure to be perfect and know exactly how their life will pan out. 

But we all know that life ebbs and flows. We can help our teens understand that challenges, discomfort, disappointment, and uncertainty are part of life. Without struggle and failure, we can’t learn, discover, and grow. 

Rather than giving advice, give your teen a sense of autonomy by letting them know that you are there to support them as they make their choices. Even if they can’t stop telling you how annoying you are, let your teen know that you are there if they slip and fall as they try to find their path. 

Find Coping Skills to Relax and Manage Worries

Help your teen develop coping skills for stress and anxiety by encouraging them to find what works for them. You could suggest that they try a few of the things below or have a brainstorming session with them. 

For teens who don’t take suggestions, you could lead by example by taking up meditation yourself or starting an exercise regimen. You could consider gifting them a yoga class, a massage, or a Spotify subscription. 

Some ideas for relaxation: 

• Breathing exercises and meditation

  • Apps like Headspace or Calm can provide short, guided relaxation and meditation courses

• Listening to music

• Yoga 

• Exercise

• Taking a short walk

• Connecting with nature

• Journaling

• Taking a bath

• Creative activities like drawing, crafts, playing an instrument, singing, or baking

• Spending time with a pet

Be mindful of social media

Encourage your teen to intentionally take some time off of their phones each day, especially when they are trying to relax. Make sure they know that what they see online isn’t an accurate depiction of life. 

If their anxiety is made worse by social media content that makes them feel bad or FOMO (fear of missing out), suggest they mute or unfollow those accounts and follow positive things that they like (perhaps cute animals or uplifting news). To read more about the negative effects of social media, click here. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

If some of these strategies don’t seem to be enough, counseling can help your teen gain tools to overcome their anxiety. Your teen doesn’t need to be in a crisis to benefit from therapy. In fact, approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help your teen develop stronger coping skills and shift negative thought patterns. 

CBT goes beyond just talking and gives teens real life tools and strategies they can use. These are skills that your teens can take with them for life and will be beneficial as they face increasing pressures into adulthood. 

Anxiety can be hard to deal with, but with these strategies, you can help to support your teen