Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety
Meet Anjolie, one of Appa’s inspiring mentors, who shares her journey of overcoming shyness and social anxiety. In this blog, Anjolie reflects on the challenges she faced in high school and reveals the strategies that empowered her to break free from her comfort zone.
Heart pounding a mile a minute, sweaty palms, and racing thoughts. For as long as I could remember, I’ve always been a ball of anxiety. I was the kid in the back of the classroom hoping the teacher wouldn't call out, “Anjolie, what’s the answer to this question?”
Feeling paralyzed in high school
While I’m a proud introvert, my social anxiety and shyness have sometimes been quite limiting. It has prevented me from speaking up for myself, making new friends, nurturing friendships, and trying new things.
Most of my high school experience was spent alone. I felt I was being constantly judged which caused me to be hyper-aware of everyone else around me. This fed my insecurities and I retreated inwards. With low self-esteem, I struggled immensely and felt that I wasn’t good enough. I hated who I was and wanted so badly to be extroverted and confident.
Making a change in college
When I reached college, I promised myself I’d make a change. I pushed myself to be more social, speak up in class, and step outside of my comfort zone.
I started small. For example, I made it a goal to talk to a new person every week. My go-to was complimenting someone. It’s an easy way to spark up a conversation and make someone’s day. Slowly but surely, I became more comfortable interacting with strangers and my peers.
I realized that people are pretty oblivious of me in public, meaning I shouldn’t hyperfixate on the false narrative I am creating in my head of what other people are thinking. This helped me approach social situations with much more confidence.
By my senior year, I was more sure of myself and enjoyed being social. I made friends with my classmates, participated in social activities, and genuinely felt more myself. For the first time in a while I was happy with who I was and who I was becoming. In high school, I didn’t think that I could ever get to the point where I would be able to converse with strangers or even walk in public without averting my eyes downward. But by taking small and steady strides, I have been able to arm myself with an effective tool-kit.
Three strategies that worked for me:
Gradually expose yourself to anxiety-inducing situations: I know it’s really scary to think about but trust me–it helps. Set a goal for yourself and start small! Say hello to the classmate sitting next to you, ask a question in class, or smile at the person walking by in the hallway. Little by little, you’ll get used to putting yourself out there and it will become a breeze.
Have a support system–confide in family, friends, a teacher, or your mentor! You’re not alone in this. A couple months ago I was nervous about attending a friend’s birthday party. I reached out to the other person I knew that would be there and we came up with an escape plan. We were each other’s emotional support buddies and we didn’t even need to use our plan.
Meet yourself with grace–or what I like to say–patience, love, and understanding. A lot of times we are our own worst critic. Make sure to celebrate the small victories and be gentle with yourself.
By no means have I “fixed” my social anxiety, but by implementing these strategies into my arsenal, I have been able to better manage it. There are days where I don’t want to leave the house because it’s too overwhelming and days where I am a chatterbox and enjoy being social.
This serves as a reminder that with anything, it’s a process. Things won’t magically change overnight. I’m still working on overcoming my shyness but over time I have seen drastic changes and you can too.